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Misplaced Your Mojo?

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Talk to Yvette about Revitalizing Your Life.
 

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Ok, so you don't want to do it all on your own.  You'd like those you share your home with to share the load.

What, you do want to do it all on your own?  You want to prove how you're hard done by and better than everyone else and deserving of lots of sympathy?

If that's the case, grow up, get a life, go see a counselor, psychologist or psychiatrist, get frisky with your partner, pull some weeds, do some pruning, scrub something, and come down off your high horse.

Gracious, what an outburst.  What was I saying?  Oh yes, this:

- Stop being a martyr
- Stop feeling guilty
- Shut up and quietly love your family
- Lead by example
- Don't direct your negative feelings about yourself at those around you
- Forgive yourself your imperfections
- Love yourself, so that you may love others

Oh yes, and the practical stuff:

Let your family see that you do things which are good for you and which you enjoy - it's good for them to see this.

Accept input about the systems and routines in your home, like how and when the table is set for dinner, cleared after dinner, how the washing is delivered to and sorted in the laundry, how the rubbish and recycling is dealt with, (many other things).....

.....BUT, remember who is in charge, who's home it is, who is the responsible person, or who are the responsible people, and feel the confidence you need to make a sensible decision.  Not a submissive decision, not an overbearing, inconsiderate decision, but a loving decision.

When delegation and taking charge are required, you need confidence.  You get the confidence for this by being sure about what you are doing and that it is the right thing. 

Teenagers in particular will try to catch you off guard and out argue you, but don't fall for that.  They know you're not really paying attention sometimes and use that to their advantage.  If you pay attention to what they're saying, listen properly, then calmly tell them your decision, for example - ok, but you still have to do the dishes, it will work better.

The standards I'm trying to set and maintain in my home at the moment are:

- The table is always clear, clean, and set nicely for dinner.
- All those able to, fold and put away their own clean washing, and all help with the sheets and towels.
- Everyone helps with caring for the pets, that is feeding, watering, cleaning up after, exercising, entertaining.  Ok, so Mummy still does all the vet stuff.
- Everyone in the home and in the extended family and even friends, helps keep an eye on the little ones and interacts with them.
- A feeling of pride in our home and our family shared and enjoyed by all of us.
- Laughter, being ourselves, having fun, enjoying simple things.
- The idea that we all contribute to our home and family, which gives us the right to feel proud and enjoy it.
- We all look after and keep tidy our own belongings.

All these intentions must be held by me whilst calmly dealing with chatterbox twins with rampantly developing language and argumentative skills, a nearly 5 year old bright little one juggling both big brother and little brother roles, and excited by his own newly discovered capabilities, a 12 year old dealing with just having started high school and puberty, and a 16 year old as demanding and needy as the little ones and managing astonishingly well for her age, not knowing how much joy she gives me even through the yelling and tantrum throwing.

I have noticed on more than a few occasions that my delegation skills and confidence are greatly improved at times when my own room is tidy, I have done my own 'chores', and am feeling productive.  This kind of bossiness from me seems strangely to give the kids confidence and make them more cheerful.

As I type there is a kitten asleep on my diary, impeding my access to the keyboard.  This is our third cat, an unauthorised addition to the family brought home one night by the eldest daughter.  Children and animals - they'll either send you running or make you wake up to yourself and smile.

Anyway, setting an example works like this:  instead of running around nagging everyone about what they should be doing, what is wrong with them, what they're lacking in, what they're neglecting, what they need to get on with and so on....

....shut up, get up off your bum....and do it yourself and show them how. 

This is the true meaning of leadership.  You can lead without even trying, just by confidently knowing you are doing the best you can be doing yourself, for the greater good, which includes for your own good as top priority.

This means truly letting go of thoughts of what others might think you should do, ought to do, whether others 'approve' of you.  Let it go.  You need to approve of yourself. 

Yeah, ok, I saw my shrink today, but all this stuff was my own idea, he just agreed.

Good delegation skills come from feeling sure that you are the best person to do the delegating and a strong understanding that it needs to be done.  The rest comes down to tactfulness, especially with a partner or teenagers.  A "would you like to do the dishes or take the rubbish out" kind of choice, with you participating and performing an important duty yourself, is a good way to approach it.

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Comments   

#1 Julie 2009-04-04 02:30
I just had this exact conversation with someone yesterday that we lead so much more strongly with our our example than our words. I love your frankness and your humor!

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