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How You Experience Your WorldThe way each of us experience the world around us is unique and different from how any other person experiences the same things. This is important because our own individual representation of reality determines our thinking and our actions. Understanding this, and understanding that we have choices about how we experience the world and what meaning we give to our experiences, is vital to making positive changes for ourselves.

Information comes to us every moment of every day, millions of bits of information, every second, taken in with our senses. It's not possible for us to have conscious awareness of all the stimulus we are receiving, so we filter most of it out, noticing only what is "relevant" to us according to our individual filtering system.

The message here, is that there is tons of stuff we are not noticing, even though the information is all going in. Have you ever been

 so absorbed with something that it took a while before you noticed you were cold, hungry or thirsty? Have you ever made a purchase, a new car or even a new pair of shoes, and suddenly you see them everywhere? Wow, I remember when my twins were born, I wondered why I hadn't noticed before that they were all over the place.


So what changed in those examples above? Something came into our conscious awareness and we started noticing what we had not noticed before, because now it seemed relevant to us. We started filtering it in.

This all happens unconsciously.

How we filter in and filter out what our senses pick up, is determined by our focus, our values and our beliefs.

Our values are emotional states we want to be experiencing, what is most important to us in life. (And it's enlightening to discover that our values are what we have picked up from our upbringing, we don't choose them. There are different kinds of values, we prioritise them, they can be in conflict – a common cause of feeling stuck – and we can choose new ones and change the priority order of them so that they better support our current choices about how we want our life to be).

Our beliefs come about by the meaning we have assigned to experiences in our life. These meanings or decisions are often not helpful to us, and can be changed. We can and do choose the meaning we give to any event or experience – another very useful thing to be mindful of.

Our focus, what we are thinking about, is what we will continuously find evidence to support, find examples of, and what we will experience. This is why it's so important to move your language away from habitually expressing what is wrong in your life and what you don't want, what you want to stop, and move it towards expressing in detail exactly what you do want, how you want to be feeling, what your ideal outcome will look like, what you want to hear. We've been hearing about positive visualization for years, and this is why it works. But it's not just visualizing that's important, the language we use to others and to ourselves is vitally important too. The other part is vividly imagining how we want to feel, actually experiencing the desired emotion in present time by imagining the outcome.

By using language and painting ourselves a clear picture of what we want, we are shifting our focus here. In order to focus on our goals, our desired outcomes, we need to know, clearly, what that goal or outcome looks like, feels like, sounds like. The more detail the better.

As we focus on what we do want, our unconscious mind dutifully goes and looks for it. We start to notice choices, opportunities, and examples towards that outcome.

So if we are looking at the world with the focus of "I'm so worried about my children, there are so many negative influences, I don't think I'm really doing a good enough job, it's so hard to be a parent, I feel so guilty", we will continue to find evidence that it is difficult, that our choices are limited, that we are not capable. If we have the focus of "It's important to me to be a good parent, for my children to be happy, good people and doing well, and I make choices and decisions according to whether they are consistent with supporting this outcome", we will filter in more choices and resources and opportunities to behave in accordance with that focus.

Whenever we see a video on YouTube or read a story about someone inspiring who has overcome hardship or adversity, survivors of concentration camps, people who have recovered amazingly well from serious illness and injuries, people who have made valuable contributions to mankind – what is it that makes them different, that made them able to do these things where others sit on the couch with the illusion of lack of choice? Whether they are consciously aware of it or not, they have made a choice to alter their focus, to see the world in a way that will allow them to do what they need to do, that will allow their unconscious mind to support them towards their goal.

How we experience the world now, that is the internal representation we make from the stimulus coming to us every second of every day, what we make it mean, what we focus on, what we filter in, determines how we will experience the world in the future – what outcomes we will get, what decisions and choices we will make, what it means to us and what emotions we will feel.

So, as you go about your day and notice how you are feeling and what results you are getting, be mindful of what you are focussed on, and what useful stuff you could be noticing and filtering in that will benefit you and contribute to you having greater choice in how you experience your life.


#1 Debola 2013-02-16 05:37
Dear Yvette, Thanks for the piece on the above subject. It was exactly what I needed to hear especially at this time. I sincerely can't recall how I got this mail or got on your mailing list but I am glad the mail found me. Wishing you all the very best as you continue to write, placing keys to healthier minds into the right hands.


"I am grateful to Yvette for the changes that she has facilitated in me. I feel that my learning from Yvette will stay with me for the rest of my life, and has brought me to a brighter, positive more confident and happy place in my family and work life."

Anshula Ohri, Toronto,

"Before I met Yvette I had many opportunities in front of me but I was feeling overwhelmed and I had no confidence in making the decisions.  I was feeling stuck and confusedd.  My career has progressed in a positive direction and I am now functioning better in physical and emotional health.  Thank you Yvette for your help.  This was one of the best decisions I have ever made."


Sarah Grudzien,
Melbourne, Australia

"The coaching with Yvette was very beneficial. In just a few weeks I had achieved so much. I am so thankful. I found Yvette to be very patient, professional and reassuring. I would definately recommend NLP now that I have seen the difference it has made to my life. I have left the past in the past and I am happier within myself."

Western Australia

"Your belief in me gave me the confidence to work out ways of improvement, knowing how important it is that these answers be found by me within me to enable them to be so powerful and successful. I loved the CD you sent as your voice is so easy to listen to and reassuring as it imparts great words of wisdom and strengthens the concepts taught within your life coaching sessions. These life skills are amazing!"

Lynne from Lowood,
Queensland, Australia

"I consider myself very fortunate having chosen Yvette for coaching.  It has turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made. I started from a place where I was stuck in procrastination and everything seemed so overwhelming that I didn't really know where to start.  I love the freedom and empowerment I now feel.  Yvette's methods are personalised and very effective.  I have looked forward to every coaching sesssion."

Melbourne, Australia

"Yvette is a great coach who inspires you to overcome the obstacles that she finds in working with you.  She is highly motivated and has worked hard to increase her knowledge in many areas that in turn help her clients.  Yvette draws on her own real life experience adn studies to help those of us who have to juggle many responsibilities and mangage the conflicts in thinking that come from that.  I am looking forward to working with Yvette again in the near future"

Liz Jarvis, CSI Business Solutions, 
NSW, Australia

"Through my coaching experience with Yvette I was able to shift my awareness onto my value system as opposed to staring at my circumstances each day and feeling pulled in a hole.  It's powerful because I want meaning, I want to live up to my values and what's right and good for me!  So, I truly learned the value of letting go and receiving the abundance of knowledge for every situation that gives life, love and meaning to who I am and what I can do, with this fearless self awareness."

New York, USA

"Yvette.  Many thanks for a wonderful experience... Our sessions were productive, really interesting adn I so looked forward to them each week with anticipation of what I can learn about myself and my behaviours.  Every session seemed to flow right on topic of what was present in my relaity at the time and your effortless guiding of my strategies never ceased to amaze me.  I highly recommend you as a life coach and thank you again for the experience."

M Shears, 
Melbourne, Australia

"I really questioned my future career ambitions and thanks to Yvette I changed direction from something I felt I had to do, to something I know I will love to do.  I was stuck on this topic for quite some time and Yvette really helped me shed light on this.  I changed the MBA I signed up for and feel excited about my careeer and all the opportunities in the future."

Sabine Mascarenhas, 
Wollongong, Australia