Self Esteem

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PeacockSelf esteem is such an issue for so many people, me included.  If we can get it to a healthy happy place, our life is so much better.

But it’s affected by so many things, different things for different people, and different things for each of us as we change and grow throughout our lives, or succumb to the bombardment of influences and information we’re presented with in this modern world.

Some of my main self esteem affecting factors are:-

 - My appearance.  Yes, I’m a vain woman obsessed with ageing, my weight, my hair, my wrinkles and general attractiveness.  There’s a lot of it about.

- How my children are behaving.  Are they all healthy, happy, doing well in school and kinder, having fun, have nice friends, safe, enjoying their lives?  Are they getting on with each other, with me, being polite, doing their chores, minding their manners?

- How my house looks.  Is it clean, tidy, well organized, do I know where everything is and is the clutter under control?

- My income.  Is my business making enough to keep us?  Am I working as well as I can on my business?  Am I overcoming my fears of technical stuff and pressing on trying to learn?  Am I looking for solutions, paying attention, being creative?

- My friendships and family relationships.  Am I being a good friend, daughter, sister, cousin; keeping in touch?

- Organization.  Am I managing my time well, keeping a good balance of the different areas of my life, is all my stuff under control, do I know what I’m doing each day and why I’m doing it, and am I happy that I’m doing the right thing?

- My current dress size.  Or did I mention that already?

- My social skills.  Do I feel I can confidently mix with people, make suitable conversation, be a good listener, not embarrass myself, not be too shy or too loud, be assertive without being bossy, behave appropriately for the situation and the company?  (How not to appear excessively bored when in the company of people talking about sport for more than several seconds).

- How well I sang last time I went to karaoke, and how I currently feel about my guitar.

- How much cool new stuff is on my iPod.

Although this list will be different for all of us, I do believe there are some common things to all of us going on, which are:-

- Do we feel we’re a good person, that we have tried not to harm anybody, that we mean well, that our intentions are good, that we are following our conscience. 

- Do we feel that we are achieving what we want to achieve at a reasonable level; making progress towards our goals.

- Do we feel confident that we’re spending our time in ways which are in harmony with our values, standards and goals.  If we know we could do better and we’re goofing off, our self esteem suffers.

- Do we feel we’re doing what is best for the universe, and best for ourselves, which are the same thing.  If we mean harm to others, or to the world, we harm ourselves, our self esteem, our spirit.

- Do we feel we are in control of our own lives.  Do we feel we have a reasonable level of self control and self discipline.  Do we feel we are making conscious, positive choices about how we live our lives.

This all sounds a bit serious and confronting and not the sort of thing I want to think about too deeply when I’m contemplating another glass of wine or ordering pizza for dinner, but, some quick fix self esteem boosters I’ve tried and tested are:

- Have a long shower, do my hair and make-up, and get dressed as nicely as I can, even if I’m going nowhere.

- Phone a friend (or relative), just to say hi, and really try to listen.

- Do someone a favour.  If you get the opportunity to baby-sit for your friend, drive your Mum to the airport, cook a meal for someone, give someone a driving lesson, take it if you can.

- Forgive and let go.  Forgive others, forgive yourself, let it heal.

- Find something positive you can do right now that will give you a sense of achievement, whether it’s an everyday thing like doing the dishes or washing, or the next action for a project you are working on, like gathering information you need for a project or making some appointments.

- Be modest.  Don’t overcompensate for your insecurities by talking yourself up.  Nurture a quiet confidence in yourself through loving actions.  Our self esteem needs to come from within, from our own knowledge of ourselves, and not what we think others may think of us.  Others will see who we are by our actions and how we conduct ourselves; let them gradually see for themselves whatever good they see in you – which is their business, not yours.

- Don’t be judgemental.  When we judge others negatively, we are usually really judging a shadow part of ourselves.  Our self esteem will grow as we are compassionate, and we are able to show the same respect and compassion to ourselves that we show to others.

- Get your hair done and do your nails!

- Go to karaoke with a big smile, and clap like mad for all the other singers.

Hey, you’re lookin’ good!


"I am grateful to Yvette for the changes that she has facilitated in me. I feel that my learning from Yvette will stay with me for the rest of my life, and has brought me to a brighter, positive more confident and happy place in my family and work life."

Anshula Ohri, Toronto,

"Before I met Yvette I had many opportunities in front of me but I was feeling overwhelmed and I had no confidence in making the decisions.  I was feeling stuck and confusedd.  My career has progressed in a positive direction and I am now functioning better in physical and emotional health.  Thank you Yvette for your help.  This was one of the best decisions I have ever made."


Sarah Grudzien,
Melbourne, Australia

"The coaching with Yvette was very beneficial. In just a few weeks I had achieved so much. I am so thankful. I found Yvette to be very patient, professional and reassuring. I would definately recommend NLP now that I have seen the difference it has made to my life. I have left the past in the past and I am happier within myself."

Western Australia

"Your belief in me gave me the confidence to work out ways of improvement, knowing how important it is that these answers be found by me within me to enable them to be so powerful and successful. I loved the CD you sent as your voice is so easy to listen to and reassuring as it imparts great words of wisdom and strengthens the concepts taught within your life coaching sessions. These life skills are amazing!"

Lynne from Lowood,
Queensland, Australia

"I consider myself very fortunate having chosen Yvette for coaching.  It has turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made. I started from a place where I was stuck in procrastination and everything seemed so overwhelming that I didn't really know where to start.  I love the freedom and empowerment I now feel.  Yvette's methods are personalised and very effective.  I have looked forward to every coaching sesssion."

Melbourne, Australia

"Yvette is a great coach who inspires you to overcome the obstacles that she finds in working with you.  She is highly motivated and has worked hard to increase her knowledge in many areas that in turn help her clients.  Yvette draws on her own real life experience adn studies to help those of us who have to juggle many responsibilities and mangage the conflicts in thinking that come from that.  I am looking forward to working with Yvette again in the near future"

Liz Jarvis, CSI Business Solutions, 
NSW, Australia

"Through my coaching experience with Yvette I was able to shift my awareness onto my value system as opposed to staring at my circumstances each day and feeling pulled in a hole.  It's powerful because I want meaning, I want to live up to my values and what's right and good for me!  So, I truly learned the value of letting go and receiving the abundance of knowledge for every situation that gives life, love and meaning to who I am and what I can do, with this fearless self awareness."

New York, USA

"Yvette.  Many thanks for a wonderful experience... Our sessions were productive, really interesting adn I so looked forward to them each week with anticipation of what I can learn about myself and my behaviours.  Every session seemed to flow right on topic of what was present in my relaity at the time and your effortless guiding of my strategies never ceased to amaze me.  I highly recommend you as a life coach and thank you again for the experience."

M Shears, 
Melbourne, Australia

"I really questioned my future career ambitions and thanks to Yvette I changed direction from something I felt I had to do, to something I know I will love to do.  I was stuck on this topic for quite some time and Yvette really helped me shed light on this.  I changed the MBA I signed up for and feel excited about my careeer and all the opportunities in the future."

Sabine Mascarenhas, 
Wollongong, Australia