Self esteem is such an issue for so many people, me included.  If we can get it to a healthy happy place, our life is so much better.

But it’s affected by so many things, different things for different people, and different things for each of us as we change and grow throughout our lives, or succumb to the bombardment of influences and information we’re presented with in this modern world.

Some of my main self esteem affecting factors are:-

 - My appearance.  Yes, I’m a vain woman obsessed with ageing, my weight, my hair, my wrinkles and general attractiveness.  There’s a lot of it about.

- How my children are behaving.  Are they all healthy, happy, doing well in school and kinder, having fun, have nice friends, safe, enjoying their lives?  Are they getting on with each other, with me, being polite, doing their chores, minding their manners?

- How my house looks.  Is it clean, tidy, well organized, do I know where everything is and is the clutter under control?

- My income.  Is my business making enough to keep us?  Am I working as well as I can on my business?  Am I overcoming my fears of technical stuff and pressing on trying to learn?  Am I looking for solutions, paying attention, being creative?

- My friendships and family relationships.  Am I being a good friend, daughter, sister, cousin; keeping in touch?

- Organization.  Am I managing my time well, keeping a good balance of the different areas of my life, is all my stuff under control, do I know what I’m doing each day and why I’m doing it, and am I happy that I’m doing the right thing?

- My current dress size.  Or did I mention that already?

- My social skills.  Do I feel I can confidently mix with people, make suitable conversation, be a good listener, not embarrass myself, not be too shy or too loud, be assertive without being bossy, behave appropriately for the situation and the company?  (How not to appear excessively bored when in the company of people talking about sport for more than several seconds).

- How well I sang last time I went to karaoke, and how I currently feel about my guitar.

- How much cool new stuff is on my iPod.

Although this list will be different for all of us, I do believe there are some common things to all of us going on, which are:-

- Do we feel we’re a good person, that we have tried not to harm anybody, that we mean well, that our intentions are good, that we are following our conscience. 

- Do we feel that we are achieving what we want to achieve at a reasonable level; making progress towards our goals.

- Do we feel confident that we’re spending our time in ways which are in harmony with our values, standards and goals.  If we know we could do better and we’re goofing off, our self esteem suffers.

- Do we feel we’re doing what is best for the universe, and best for ourselves, which are the same thing.  If we mean harm to others, or to the world, we harm ourselves, our self esteem, our spirit.

- Do we feel we are in control of our own lives.  Do we feel we have a reasonable level of self control and self discipline.  Do we feel we are making conscious, positive choices about how we live our lives.

This all sounds a bit serious and confronting and not the sort of thing I want to think about too deeply when I’m contemplating another glass of wine or ordering pizza for dinner, but, some quick fix self esteem boosters I’ve tried and tested are:

- Have a long shower, do my hair and make-up, and get dressed as nicely as I can, even if I’m going nowhere.

- Phone a friend (or relative), just to say hi, and really try to listen.

- Do someone a favour.  If you get the opportunity to baby-sit for your friend, drive your Mum to the airport, cook a meal for someone, give someone a driving lesson, take it if you can.

- Forgive and let go.  Forgive others, forgive yourself, let it heal.

- Find something positive you can do right now that will give you a sense of achievement, whether it’s an everyday thing like doing the dishes or washing, or the next action for a project you are working on, like gathering information you need for a project or making some appointments.

- Be modest.  Don’t overcompensate for your insecurities by talking yourself up.  Nurture a quiet confidence in yourself through loving actions.  Our self esteem needs to come from within, from our own knowledge of ourselves, and not what we think others may think of us.  Others will see who we are by our actions and how we conduct ourselves; let them gradually see for themselves whatever good they see in you – which is their business, not yours.

- Don’t be judgemental.  When we judge others negatively, we are usually really judging a shadow part of ourselves.  Our self esteem will grow as we are compassionate, and we are able to show the same respect and compassion to ourselves that we show to others.

- Get your hair done and do your nails!

- Go to karaoke with a big smile, and clap like mad for all the other singers.

Hey, you’re lookin’ good!