Social Skills

Misplaced Your Mojo?

 woman sml

Talk to Yvette about Revitalizing Your Life.

Click here to contact Yvette.

Organized for Life eBook

Free Yourself from Mental and Physical Clutter.

Take Control of Your Home, Your Time and Your Life.


US $24.95 Instant Download

Group of friends sharing a casual meal outdoorsIt's that time of year again, when we tend to have an increased number of get togethers as we head towards the end of the year. 

As you catch up with family and friends over the coming weeks, it's a good opportunity to notice little details for future reference.  Things like food, drink, music and reading preferences, so you're able to keep these things in mind for future gift giving. 

It's also just a great opportunity to develop your listening skills and see how much better you can get to know people by paying attention to what they're saying.  Actively listening is a great way to make yourself feel more comfortable and confident in social situations, and to take the focus off yourself. 

Do you ever find yourself babbling on nervously in social situations for fear of awkward silences and a need to keep the conversation moving?  Or is that just me?  Well, learning how to ask open ended questions to invite other people to do their share of the talking is the answer to that.

Like lots of things, if you can convince yourself it's a fun game, and keep trying, you'll develop your skill more easily. 

Things to keep in mind:

- What's an open ended question?  One that doesn't invite a yes or no answer, but gives the opportunity for a description or opinion or impression of something.  How many different ways can you think of asking someone how their trip was, how their job is, how their kids are, how is their hobby going? 

- Hint - if you get a short answer, you can easily remedy this with a carefully selected follow up question, and it helps if you can remember anything from previous conversations about that topic.

- Don't always go for the obvious.  A new mother might be a bit tired of talking about mummy stuff and prefer to discuss a book or a film or something else she is involved with, for at least some of the conversation.

- Think before you open your mouth.  An awkward silence is better than sticking your foot in it, and you needn't always take full responsibility for silences or be quite so afraid of them.

- Listen.  If you manage to get someone talking about themselves, make the most of it and take it in.  Don't judge, just listen.  Ask more questions, be genuinely interested.  Learn something.

- Keep it balanced and do a bit of back and forth.  If you get asked about yourself, talk, but remember to then ask questions to invite the other person to contribute.

- Develop strategies for dealing with non stop talkers who corner people and don't know how to stop, remembering that it is probably insecurity and nervousness which causes it.  Be compassionate.

So go on, take what opportunities you can to get out there and mix with your fellow human beings, and try to do something a little bit differently this time.


#1 diana quilliam 2011-05-29 19:12
Thank you so much for this blog. I stuggle with social skils and the article reminds me of what I need to do... I tend to talk too much and get increasingly annoyed about it. I sometimes find it hard to get the other person talking and when they do fall into the habit of relating everything back to me eg. they tell me something and I say, oh yes, that happened to me.. and start to tell the story. And before you know it Ive hijacked the conversation and run away with it. After the person has gone I think of all the things I wanted to ask... too late.

I think my social ability problems are twofold.
1. I spend a fair amount of time alone (live out of town and travel a lot to other parts of the state) and
2. nervousness.
However, having said all that. I DID have a wonderful afternoon with a friend the other day and learnt lots about her background and family. Wonderful.

The other thing I wanted to mention about this is that Im 61 and hadbeen finding for about a year that I couldnt remember what people were telling me... Ive since found out that I have had a Vit B12 deficiency (pernicious anemia) and now have injections to remedy the situation. What a difference! I really did think I had early onset dementia, scary, I was always so muddled up, had trouble taking in what people were saying and of course remembering things. So of course I couldnt remember things friends had told me for me to follow up on.
So hope that may be of help to someone.

And thanks Yvette for your wonderful heart and your important and extremely helpful work. Di


"I am grateful to Yvette for the changes that she has facilitated in me. I feel that my learning from Yvette will stay with me for the rest of my life, and has brought me to a brighter, positive more confident and happy place in my family and work life."

Anshula Ohri, Toronto,

"Before I met Yvette I had many opportunities in front of me but I was feeling overwhelmed and I had no confidence in making the decisions.  I was feeling stuck and confusedd.  My career has progressed in a positive direction and I am now functioning better in physical and emotional health.  Thank you Yvette for your help.  This was one of the best decisions I have ever made."


Sarah Grudzien,
Melbourne, Australia

"The coaching with Yvette was very beneficial. In just a few weeks I had achieved so much. I am so thankful. I found Yvette to be very patient, professional and reassuring. I would definately recommend NLP now that I have seen the difference it has made to my life. I have left the past in the past and I am happier within myself."

Western Australia

"Your belief in me gave me the confidence to work out ways of improvement, knowing how important it is that these answers be found by me within me to enable them to be so powerful and successful. I loved the CD you sent as your voice is so easy to listen to and reassuring as it imparts great words of wisdom and strengthens the concepts taught within your life coaching sessions. These life skills are amazing!"

Lynne from Lowood,
Queensland, Australia

"I consider myself very fortunate having chosen Yvette for coaching.  It has turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made. I started from a place where I was stuck in procrastination and everything seemed so overwhelming that I didn't really know where to start.  I love the freedom and empowerment I now feel.  Yvette's methods are personalised and very effective.  I have looked forward to every coaching sesssion."

Melbourne, Australia

"Yvette is a great coach who inspires you to overcome the obstacles that she finds in working with you.  She is highly motivated and has worked hard to increase her knowledge in many areas that in turn help her clients.  Yvette draws on her own real life experience adn studies to help those of us who have to juggle many responsibilities and mangage the conflicts in thinking that come from that.  I am looking forward to working with Yvette again in the near future"

Liz Jarvis, CSI Business Solutions, 
NSW, Australia

"Through my coaching experience with Yvette I was able to shift my awareness onto my value system as opposed to staring at my circumstances each day and feeling pulled in a hole.  It's powerful because I want meaning, I want to live up to my values and what's right and good for me!  So, I truly learned the value of letting go and receiving the abundance of knowledge for every situation that gives life, love and meaning to who I am and what I can do, with this fearless self awareness."

New York, USA

"Yvette.  Many thanks for a wonderful experience... Our sessions were productive, really interesting adn I so looked forward to them each week with anticipation of what I can learn about myself and my behaviours.  Every session seemed to flow right on topic of what was present in my relaity at the time and your effortless guiding of my strategies never ceased to amaze me.  I highly recommend you as a life coach and thank you again for the experience."

M Shears, 
Melbourne, Australia

"I really questioned my future career ambitions and thanks to Yvette I changed direction from something I felt I had to do, to something I know I will love to do.  I was stuck on this topic for quite some time and Yvette really helped me shed light on this.  I changed the MBA I signed up for and feel excited about my careeer and all the opportunities in the future."

Sabine Mascarenhas, 
Wollongong, Australia